GOOD NIGHT, MY DARLING. I HOPE THERE IS NO ENDLESS RAIN IN MY DREAM

I feel faint to reach these incisive feelers. I am afraid of speaking and afraid of expressing myself. The reason why I am afraid of them is that I am afraid of thinking. Thinking hurt me and makes me feel sick as if I had caught a heavy cold, my head aching severely and I feel dazed. I felt my whole body was falling down. Afterwards I found there is a similar tone with me at some place, I felt hardly able to speak a word for a long time. Then I found a lot of people with a similar tone to me and I felt I couldn’t speak out even more. Moreover, I felt suffocated when so many insignificant and impotent people crowded together. To be happy is to be mediocre, or to be mediocre is to be happy? Not to be in pain is indeed to be in pain and not to be lonely is indeed to be lonely, or we could put these sentences in a reverse sequence, then to be in pain is indeed not to be in pain and to be lonely is indeed not to be lonely. Now when I recall loneliness, I think loneliness is both cold and warm.